My husband wants to take a trial separation and date other people. We have three young kids, and I feel like he is having a midlife crisis. I told him yes, and now we are taking this year apart. However, it’s breaking my heart. What should I do? Am I crazy for trying to save the marriage and honoring his crazy request? He also says he wants me to take some time to work on myself. Could you illuminate what “work on myself” means?
Mara, San Francisco
If you have already said yes to this yearlong trial separation, the wisest thing you can do is actually go work on yourself. Clean up your side of the street and evolve. Transformation is the only goal in any circumstance; regardless of whether you are in a happy marriage or a complicated separation, the aim remains the same: How can I own 100 percent of my experience on Earth and transform endlessly? In the end, you may find your partner is perfect for you and it was you who needed to shift the needle. Or you may find he is not right for you, and you have changed enough to move on and find a new life for yourself. Either way, when we transform there is possibility.
I have a long-time addiction to hiring “sugar babies” while I have a hard time finding a real partner in life. I believe my dream is to have a wife and kids but I keep choosing this easy, paid-for solution. What can I do? Is there any way to stop this addiction, and actually get what I really want? I am so scared I never will.
Marc, Long Island
I get it. Loneliness can lead to decisions that aren’t in integrity with who we are. That said, there is also an element of addiction involved. I recommend trying a 12-step recovery on sex addiction and also praying. In prayer I would ask “universe or God show me what you would have me do and enter into my sex life and my love life. I offer my love life to you.” I teach prayer in a unique way, in that I believe when we pray we ask to be guided to our soul’s right action. I don’t judge you for what you are doing. I’m just hearing that it’s perhaps not what you want. It might be a case of the Universe trying to give you a Bentley and you being like, “No, I am cool with my Toyota.”
I am a long-time listener to your music, and use it when doing your breath work and meditation. The use of music takes the breath work so much higher! Why is that? Do you make music to enhance the breath work?
Leslie, Los Angeles
That’s how I designed it. I believe that we awaken through the emotional center. It is only in this way that the heart opens up. While sitting in meditation in silence may be the right way for many people, or the right way at certain times for all people, there are other ways to reach and find enlightenment. For me, the heart-opening breath work I designed, merged with my music, is a great pathway to awakening. I love that it’s working for you!
I was reading the about the “law of shocks” in your book, and it feels spot on! Recently I had a huge business loss. My income has gone way down, and also my son is very sick and we don’t know what is wrong with him. It all feels like it’s coming down so hard out of nowhere. The law of shocks says this means I am meant to hear a message of some kind. What’s the message?
Sounds like a bell is going off for sure. I don’t know what the message is for your current troubles, but I do believe the answer and the medicine is inside you! I recommend prayer and meditation, and if you can invest, I would recommend working with a spiritual teacher or guide who can help you decode the messages inside all this tragedy and difficulty. When these things occur, it is only our job to open them up like gift boxes and see what we are being asked to change or do or be.