By Annelise Peterson
Renowned as the “Toddler Whisperer” and famous for her “Tovah-isms”—insights that make you pause and think—Tovah Klein, Ph.D., director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and adjunct associate professor at Barnard College, Columbia University, since 1995, is much more than a parenting expert. In Raising Resilience: How to Help Our Children Thrive in Times of Uncertainty, published in September 2024 by HarperCollins, Klein charts a path to personal growth and well-being for the entire family. This guide not only equips parents to nurture their children, but also serves as a resource for reparenting oneself, enriching every relationship.
I will never forget the first piece of reflection Klein offered me: “You take on too much responsibility,” she said. I remember thinking, What does that even mean? Or the time she gently pointed out, “Annelise—you don’t always have to be such a good little girl.” These “Tovah-isms” always made me pause and think, much like her approach to parenting. “Advice and tools can help, but true growth comes from understanding how to show up in the way your children need,” asserts Klein. Her pillars of progress: Learn to find comfort in discomfort, bring awareness to yourself and address the hot spots that create disconnection. “Raising children isn’t about quick fixes—the journey is long and windy,” she iterates. “I help parents embrace their strengths and weaknesses, growing from those insights. The more we integrate the pieces of our own puzzle, the better we can model and guide our children toward the good.”
Born and raised in Cleveland to an academic family—her mother a professor of special education, her father a theoretical physicist—Klein’s keen observational skills developed early on. “My mother had big emotions,” she recalls. “When things were good, they were great. When they were bad, they were really bad.” From a young age, Klein often thought, “Adults don’t really understand children.” Her hypervigilance, largely shaped by her environment, and innate intuition would later become her superpower. “People would say, ‘Tovah is so friendly and social,’ yet I felt like an outsider,” she continues. “I came to realize that what you see is never the whole story. A child might seem outgoing yet feel insecure, while another, quieter, more reserved child might have immense inner strength.”
Her resounding mantra? Embrace imperfection, the messy, and keep it light. At the heart of her work is the belief that accepting our humanity fosters deeper connections and lifts the burdens we all carry. “Raising resilience is about trust and forgiveness—trusting yourself and your children to navigate life’s ups and downs together, and offering grace when you lose your way,” she explains. Parenting, after all, is a relationship between two people, while perfection is a single-minded pursuit. Ultimately, we all need to find a lighthouse through life’s storms—whether big or small—a calm, clear, curious, courageous, connected, compassionate, confident and creative place to feel secure. By providing a secure attachment with our children, we give them the foundation to build their ship, the courage to set sail, and the compass to find their way home through life’s changing tides.