By Michaela Kennedy-Cuomo
The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives and the world around us. But these stories don’t always serve us. Often, they are rooted in outdated ideals, shaped by social influences, and reinforced by neuropsychological mechanisms, keeping us stuck in self-fulfilling limiting thought patterns.
Consider Gray, who wakes up on a rainy day. If Gray believes the world works in her favor, she finds gratitude everywhere: Rain waters the plants, traffic gives her more time to enjoy music and a mistaken iced latte becomes a free gift. Gray is peaceful and primed to spread positivity.
Alternatively, if Gray sees life as harsh, she finds frustration instead: The rain feels dreary, traffic is stressful and the latte mistake is another sign of life never working out for her. Gray is exasperated and primed to find more frustration.
Our thoughts and beliefs create a mental filter, and by changing how we think, we can shift the entire way we experience life.
Neuropsychology
While we always have the power to see the world differently, changing our inner perspectives and outer experiences takes conscious effort due to the way our minds naturally work.
Cognitive functions like neural pathways and confirmation bias create mental loops that limit fresh perspectives. Each time we engage with an idea, our brain fires synapses, strengthening a neural pathway to that thought. To function efficiently, the brain relies on these established pathways, reinforcing beliefs over time. Combined with confirmation bias—our tendency to favor information that aligns with existing beliefs and discount contradictory information—updating our narratives requires active reprogramming.
Understanding the Origins of Our Narratives
The first step in rewriting narratives is exploring the origins of our underlying beliefs. Our personal stories are often shaped by inherited beliefs and cultural conditioning that we may not have consciously examined, chosen, or assessed for validity and usefulness in narrating our lives.
Inherited beliefs are patterns passed down through generations. For example, if Gray’s mother grew up in a home with an unpredictable and volatile parent, she may have learned to suppress her own needs to maintain peace in the household. This learning, while essential for Gray’s mother’s survival as a child, may have become a limiting factor in adulthood.
As Gray grows up with her mother modeling conflict avoidance, Gray may inherit the value and pattern of people-pleasing and avoiding conflict at all costs, even in situations where standing up for herself would be healthier. By identifying and questioning these inherited beliefs, Gray can choose to update them, realizing that to prioritize her health and the sustainability of her relationships, she may need to directly communicate.
Cultural conditioning, such as societal values of beauty or success, can also shape personal narratives. For example, Gray may feel the societal pressure to be thin to be deemed attractive and worthy, despite having a healthy body and lifestyle. These ingrained beliefs, reinforced by media and consumer culture, can lead Gray to invest time, money and energy into chasing an unattainable ideal rather than accepting herself as she is. By recognizing these extreme cultural messages for what they are—limiting and false—Gray can free herself to embrace a healthier, more balanced view of her own worth and beauty.
Recognizing and Rewriting Our Narratives
One powerful way to rewrite your personal narrative is to create a timeline of your life. Reflect on how you would describe yourself at each stage and what beliefs and values you held. Notice if any of your narratives feel disempowering. If you identify a narrative where you felt unworthy or small, ask yourself whose voice influences that perspective. Is that voice still relevant to who you are today? How can you reframe that part of your story to reflect your current strength, growth and potential?
After the tragic loss of a family member at 14, I developed PTSD from unexpressed extreme emotions. Before my diagnosis, I spent three years moving between anxiety and depression, with brief glimpses of presence. Treatment helped me return to a balanced state,
with moments of joy and sadness that I could regulate.
When I lost another family member at the age of 21, I feared returning to those months and years of depersonalized numbness with bouts of panic and suicidality based on an experience-based narrative that says when I suddenly lose a close family member, my emotions overwhelm me.
However, I recognized that I now had the tools to process and release my emotions. Embracing this new narrative, I allowed myself to grieve openly, which helped me stay engaged with friends, family, and my college life, far more than I could in high school. Reframing my story enabled me to navigate this second, even closer loss with greater resilience.
The Ripple Effect: Healthier, Happier and More Empowered Living
When we rewrite our personal narratives, we create a ripple effect of growth that reaches into every area of our lives. Positive self-stories improve mental and physical health, nurture more fulfilling relationships, and set inspiring cultural standards. By reclaiming our stories, we model resilience and authenticity, encouraging others to transform their own lives. Together, we spark a wave of change that makes the world a brighter, more compassionate, and empowering place.
Rewriting our narratives isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing journey toward deeper joy, purpose and alignment. Each step on this path opens us to greater fulfillment, showing that everything we need to live positively already lies within us. Embrace the journey of reclaiming your story, and if you need extra support, consider Mic Loves Me’s “Rewrite Your Story” session. Connect with your inner strength, and step fully into your potential. miclovesme.com