PURIST: You joined The Retreat last fall as executive director. Tell us about your background.
CATE CARBONARO: Before joining The Retreat, I spent years as a public defender in the Bronx and Queens, where I witnessed the cycle of violence up close. Many of my clients had survived abuse as children or witnessed it in their homes, only to be later criminalized by the very systems that failed to protect them. I eventually worked on a specialized project supporting criminalized survivors—people who had been arrested, but were also victims of domestic violence, sexual assault or human trafficking.
Later, I moved into advocacy and teaching, directing Touro Law School’s Public Advocacy Center, a collaborative space for nonprofits serving survivors. That’s where I first encountered The Retreat—I was struck by the depth of its work and its unwavering commitment to safety and healing. Taking on this role feels like a full-circle moment.
PURIST: The Retreat has been a lifeline for survivors since 1987. How are you adapting in the face of recent federal funding cuts?
CC: We’re facing an unprecedented funding crisis at a time when the need for our services has never been greater. In the coming year alone, The Retreat, like so many other nonprofits, is projected to lose nearly $1.5 million in federal support, with even deeper losses anticipated in 2026 and 2027. Meanwhile, demand continues to surge—our 18-bed shelter is nearly always at capacity, largely serving children and their parents, and our human trafficking caseload has doubled in just the past two years.
PURIST: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes. How do these sobering numbers shape your leadership?
CC: These numbers aren’t abstract—they’re real people. They show up at our shelter, call our hotline at 2AM, and walk into schools, courtrooms and hospitals across Long Island. And they deserve more than just survival; they deserve safety, dignity and the chance to thrive.
PURIST: How has your background in public defense informed your approach to systemic change for survivors?
CC: I’ve seen how trauma is criminalized—how survivors are punished for the very behaviors they developed to survive. And I’ve seen how rigid systems often ignore nuance and complexity. At The Retreat, we embrace that complexity. We know someone can be both harmed and cause harm. We know justice isn’t always black and white. We’re creating space for restorative, survivor-centered care—especially for people who’ve been marginalized by courts, jails and child welfare systems.
PURIST: How does The Retreat support long-term healing and safety for survivors?
CC: Our model is holistic. The Retreat offers counseling for both adults and children, legal advocacy, peer support, parenting programs and case management that focuses on long-term stability. Our programs such as BRIDGE (for trafficked and at-risk youth) and LIFI (our Long Island Fatherhood Initiative) are core to that work. We’re not just getting people out of danger—we’re helping them rebuild their lives.
KNOW THE SIGNS:
ISOLATION
-Not allowing time for friends or activities.
-Giving orders.
-Loss of connection to others.
JEALOUSY
-Keeping constant tabs on them.
-Monitoring or stalking them.
-Violating their boundaries.
DISRESPECT
-Shaming or blaming.
-Feeling entitled or above them.
-Personal attacks.
DEMANDS
-Telling instead of asking.
-Threatening or intimidating.
-Not honoring a “no.”
CONTROL
-Invading privacy.
-Inspecting messages or posts.
-Rushing or pressuring intimacy.