Dear Biet, I am in paralyze mode and have no idea why. Can’t do much or move myself outside of it. I’m trying many things such as meditation and breath work, and can’t stick to anything. I’m trying to move into a high level of energy. Help! -Rachel, Miami
Rachel, My favorite form of grounding is prayer. I find that paralysis comes from a feeling of not wanting to experience my feelings in my body. To have energy, we need to let our feelings move through our body. “Sticking” with breath work, workouts and diet choices, and so on, is painful when we see it as a job. It’s also painful when we start feeling feelings, and then because of that, we freak out. Don’t let how you feel dictate your spiritual commitments! Show up. No matter what. And most importantly…relax. It’s easier when we take it easy. Love, Biet
Dear Biet, How do I find a partner who is emotionally available for me and not just using me to help him/her gain success? -Amanda, NYC
Amanda, It sounds like you put yourself out there for “helping people gain success” and when you do that then that signals to them that that’s what you’re offering. If you want someone to just “chill” with you…don’t make success-or business-related promises to them. It’s also possible that you have your value tied up with what you can do for people business-wise. You want to remember all your other values. You want to bring that to the table when the proposition is romantic. Love, Biet
Dear Biet, I’ve got a question: I recently had an interview, felt so good about it afterward, only to find out later that my boss (who’s Dutch and blunt) unwittingly gave a less-than-stellar reference—and I didn’t get the job. I’m in such emotional flux: betrayal, hurt, incredulity, indignant… Am I supposed to forgive and forget? Or confront him directly and tell him that I’m disappointed? My current contract ends on Christmas Eve (and he knows this); how do I maintain motivation at work for the rest of the five weeks?
-Mei, Sydney
Dear Mei, Wow, that sucks! I hear you. Expectations are tough when dealing with people. My advice would be to be the best employee ever for the next five weeks. Yes, forgive and forget. Instead of being angry, ask yourself a few questions: 1. How can this be my good news? 2. How can what happened here serve my future? And 3. Is it possible that job wasn’t right for me and he helped me divert it? All in all, we want to begin trusting the universe. Once we see that it makes no mistakes…we calm down. We relax! Love, Biet
Dear Biet, Is there such a thing as a soul mate? -Mary, NY
Dear Mary, Well, I think so—but my idea of a “soul mate” is someone who is placed in your life to awaken you. So generally it’s not an easy relationship. It’s hot, it’s alive, you feel like your total self with them. Then the breakups are volatile and painful. I think we get them when we are still looking for someone to help us be with our “soul.” Eventually one realizes that the soul is one’s soul mate and starts building that relationship. Today, I see my husband and my kid as my road dogs. I see my clients as my road dogs. I see my friends as my road dogs! However, my soul is my only soul mate today. Through that lens, every relationship is easy like Sunday mornin’. As long as you look for your “soulmate” outside you, get ready for a rude rub! Love, Biet