Dear Biet,
My husband has been cheating on me since we got married. Like he literally cheated on me while we were on our honeymoon. I found out later. It’s been years and I hate it. How do I leave him? I am scared to leave.
Completely Confused,
Susan, Miami
Dear Susan,
It’s really up to you in terms of what kind of marriage you want. There is no one right answer, but you have to ask yourself: “What’s my ideal marriage?” and “Is what this man gives me so valuable that I am willing to pay the price of his infidelity?” You may decide that he is so wonderful that you are willing to pay that price with him. You may decide that he kind of sucks and you would honestly be happier moving on. My suggestion is to keep asking yourself those questions. Journal the answers. You might consider seeking out a marriage and family therapist who might help you solve the riddle of your husband’s infidelity (you can find a therapist in your area with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy therapist locator, aamft.org). Meditate and pray; if you don’t know how, use my book or my online course! Just slow down and find the time to truly hear the answer, because the answer is inside you and I promise that answer is everything!
Love,
Biet
Dear Biet,
I can’t find my “right” guy. I keep putting myself out there and going on dates and everything, but it’s all always off! I am almost 40, and even though I have frozen my eggs, I feel like I may not find love and have babies. What do you say to someone who is lost like me? Do I have a chance? Thanks Biet, I always find your advice here in Purist and on IG so helpful.
Warmly,
Katie, NYC
Katie,
That’s strange, isn’t it, how sometimes we want things so bad and life doesn’t give them to us. In those occurrences, I always like to ask, “How is this working in my favor?” If you come at it from this angle I know you’ll see the truth! Two main points. One, keep remembering he is coming! Don’t fall prey to doubt, ever. Two, do everything—anything—to grow and evolve yourself like a garden while you prepare for your perfect future. Get a spiritual teacher, do courses, expand, change! If you are open and grateful, it has no choice but to occur. Excited to get a wedding invite one day soon!
Love,
Biet
Dear Biet,
My husband and I have not had sex for nine years. I am a deeply sexual person and it’s killing me. I feel as though I need to move on and there are other problems too, like abuse in many forms, but I am scared because of money and children. I am so deeply unhappy; what do I do?
Thanks,
Lauren, Palo Alto, California
Lauren,
This doesn’t sound like a match. If it was just the sex I would say OK, we can work with that and find alternatives—but you say that “there is abuse” as well! No one deserves to be abused. Can you lean into trust and faith to believe that you will be taken care of if you fly? Again, I’ll always say, I am not the final word here. I am just here to whisper ideas to you. I think you know the truth and you just need the courage. Everyone needs to feel safe. If you feel the need to talk, you can always try calling 800-799-SAFE (7233), the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Love,
Biet
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